100%

"People think a relationship makes you whole. That it's two 50%'s coming together to make 100%, when it should be two 100%'s coming together to make 200%."

- Jaden Smith

Guys, Disney lied to us. And apparently it takes something as backwards as Jaden Smith's twitter to see the truth. WE ARE COMPLETE PEOPLE. 

We aren't puzzle pieces, waiting to find a piece that interlocks with ours to form the big picture. We ARE the big picture. We are whole, we are important, we can exist independent of another person.

Despite what we're shown from a very young age (via Disney Princesses, romantic comedy heroines who are only happy when a man comes along, or through the covers of magazines we see when we're just out trying to buy some cheese,) we can be happy, we can function, we can continue our lives just fine. And when our "prince" comes along, that will be great. But because we have somebody to share our ALREADY FUNCTIONING life with, not because we expect them to fix it. 

How unfair is that, to expect our significant other to come along and fix all our problems? They probably have their own to sort out, let alone having yours too.

Basically, you matter. So love yourself, because you deserve to be treated well, most especially by you.

Banning Books

Approximately a year ago, I started reading "Catcher in the Rye" for my AP Literature class. I wish I'd read it earlier. Ninth grade. Eighth. I wish I had known all along that good kids can get swept along in a current of confusion and still come out on the other side as good people, but perhaps no longer as innocent and unaware. I wish I had known that doing poorly in school doesn't make you worthless. I wish I had known that mental illness (such as the depression I struggled with all through middle school and high school) doesn't have to be all-consuming, and you CAN make it out okay. I learned these things from "Catcher in the Rye," which is not assigned in Utah schools. I only got to read it because of the freedom which was allowed my AP Lit teacher. I wouldn't have learned these things about myself and the world I live in if I hadn't read that book under his guidance.

One has to ask, then, if it has such valuable lessons why was it ever banned, especially from the age group that most severely needs it? Because of the "F word." It says it a handful of times (seven, by my count) at the end of the book. But guess what? I knew that word when I was TEN YEARS OLD. People in my elementary school were saying it to look cool or fearless, and I have never stopped hearing it since. Banning books does not protect children. It keeps them from learning different perspectives. Again: BANNING BOOKS DOES NOT PROTECT CHILDREN, IT KEEPS THEM FROM LEARNING DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES.

Thanks.

For a list of the most current commonly banned books, and more information about the banning of books, visit http://www.ala.org/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks

Chronicles of Immense Crimes

When I was 9 I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. This was caused by an overactive immune system which killed the beta cells in my pancreas. No, I wasn't over-eating. I was an 80 pound, 5' 4" nine-year-old girl. I was simply very unlucky. And yet, Getting diabetes was an immense crime! I was cursed with the stigmas of the disease- only morbidly obese or old people get diabetes. And kids in the 3rd grade don't know that it's not contagious so they wouldn't play with me. I was punished for this crime against humanity, and I carry the punishment to this day.

When I was 13, the part of puberty where your body shape changes hit me. It came earlier for me than it did for my classmates, and I became curvy where the other girls of my grade were still flat. Hitting puberty was an immense crime! Girls accused me of stuffing my bra, mistook newly sprung female curves for fat and called me names. Out of jealousy or ignorance or plain spite, these girls punished me heavily for my crimes. I still bear the insecurities that these girls awoke in me.

In high school, I made the mistake one day of telling a male friend that I was having terrible cramps from my period. Admitting to having a normal, fully-functioning reproductive system was an immense crime! He told me I was disgusting and that he wouldn't speak to me until I was "off the rag."

I just shared some real stories about times when I didn't do anything wrong, but I was punished for the sin of existing in this body. These were traumatic, and the pain stays with me even though I know now that I didn't do anything wrong or shameful.

AND DESPITE MY SELF-PITYING TONE SO FAR, THERE'S MORE TO THIS POST THAN WOEBEGONE WHINING.

I've paid the price for my "crimes," but maybe others are about to come before your judgment bar. We all hold, perhaps unknowingly, the position of judge, jury, and executioner. Before we sentence a person to pay for their crimes, we should be sure that they have actually done something wrong. Some of the things we most commonly regard as flaws, faults, and follies are really genetics, or nature, or the way people were brought up. And nobody deserves to pay for a crime they didn't commit.

Little Tip

Hey there, class of 2016. How ya doin? I've been doing well since I graduated. Hope you're doing well too.

In an effort to enrich your last year of high school, I have a couple of tips for you! (Because I know how anxious 17-year-olds are to be bossed around by someone barely older than you.) But really, these are things I wish I had been told when I was starting my senior year, so pay attention.

1. Learn to just say "Yes." This is a glorious thing, being packed into one building with all the people your age. Your cup of opportunity floweth over. Take opportunities as they come to you. Do things you don't think you like or aren't sure you are capable of doing. And don't ever be afraid to waste your own time.  It's better than wasting an opportunity.
   
2. THE ONLY NUMBERS THAT MATTER IN YOUR FUTURE ARE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY AND YOUR DEBIT CARD PIN. You know how many future employers are going to ask about your 4.0? (Zero. The answer is zero.) While it's important to invest time and effort into studying so that you will be better prepared to be a citizen of the world, your education will be more effective if you worry about your mind rather than your grades. It's a subtle difference. But here's an example: are you taking that AP class because you want to pursue a higher level of learning, or are you taking that AP class because a counselor told you it would "look better" on transcripts or applications?
   
3. Smile. The hype is true: it changes entire days. You'll get a reputation for being happy and kind, and others will feel important and worthwhile. Seriously. Smile.
   
4. Smell good. Always. People are 144949530% more likely to enjoy your company if you have carefully prepared your odor to be pleasant. Also, good smells lead to snuggles. It's scientifically proven.
   
5. Work hard, play hard, love hard, let them down gently.
   
6. Oh my gosh, please apply. Apply to colleges. Apply for literally every scholarship that could possibly include you. And then enjoy the present, once you've made provisions for your future.
   
7. And finally, when the year ends, DON'T BURN BRIDGES. It seems so inviting, the chance to say all the venomous things you've been concealing in your heart, maybe since your sand-munching preschool days. BUT DON'T DO IT. Keep it classy, and part in peace. Then you win.

Elizabeth B

If you haven't read Pride and Prejudice (or at least watched one of the 3 million movies based on it,) here's the scoop: Elizabeth Bennet, a lovely, smart, clever, funny, independent woman, grows up in Georgian England's version of the middle class. Her mom tries to marry her off to a relation in order to save the family estate, and she refuses because she wants to marry for love. A gorgeous, unbelievably rich man asks her to marry her, and she also turns him down, because he doesn't fit her standards. She thinks he's too proud and vain, and he's also done some things she doesn't approve of. (He turns out to be amazing, though.)

Then there's the third dude. He's charming and funny and handsome and polite and soft-spoken and pretty much perfect.

And he's a con man.

Elizabeth, smart and independent Elizabeth, falls into the age-old trap. And that's why I love her, and why she's still one of the most beloved literary characters of all time. She is a good woman with intelligence and strength of character. She proves that you're not a stupid or bad person just because you make mistakes. Which is one of the most important things that any woman can learn about herself.

You have made mistakes. You will make mistakes. That's part of life. But as long as you never let your mistakes make you, you'll be okay.

It Happened to Me

Fat shaming. Cyber bullying. You see posts and articles and blogs and videos about this stuff all the time. I did. And my reaction to them was mostly along the lines of "Who would do that?" or "Why would somebody hate enough to bother harassing strangers online?"

Well, this morning I woke up and found out who.

Meet Brighton Whytock: a man who describes himself as "anti-feminist and patriarchal."

"I am a anti feminist, I am very much white and patriarchal."
How lovely.

When I woke up this morning, I had a notification saying he had commented on a post. Assuming it would be positive, I opened up my Twitter and started in. Thus began the following interaction:

My original tweet (from over 4 months ago) was meant to have a positive impact.

" Thin women are not the only ones who deserve to have their bodies spoken of with respect. #FatFeminist #HappyInternationalWomensDay "

But it turned into a platform for an anti-feminist patriarchist to start fat-shaming.

For the record, I am overweight. By a whole 10 pounds. So according to this unqualified man's
diagnosis, I'm going to die before I'm 50 if I don't fix that. Which would take about a month.

In the end, I reported him and I blocked his sorry carcass. I would encourage anybody who is experiencing similar harassment to follow the same simple measures, to block them and report their behavior. This is not acceptable, it is not right, and it is not something you have to put up with. Stick up for yourself in an appropriate way. Social media should be a tool for you to enjoy the thoughts of friends and family, and for you to express yourself without fear of mistreatment.

An Open Letter on Marriage

People Who I STILL see Complaining about Same-Sex Marriage:

Firstly, to those who complain from a political standpoint, I get it. Constitutionally, that decision should have stayed with the states. But it's going to take a lot more political power than the average citizen currently wields in order to change any rulings, so don't work yourself into anger over something that's done.You won't feel any financial effects, and I don't think the world will change drastically (gay marriages have been performed in the US since 2005.) Find peace in living your life the way you feel is best, and focus on the things that enrich your life. Or try VOTING if you dislike our current government practices so much.

Secondly, to the disrespectful, these are human beings you insult and ridicule. You have the constitutional right to free speech, but viciousness and slander are an obvious abuse of that right. Respect is key to the functioning of a peaceful society. We don't have to agree on anything in order to get along.

Thirdly, to traditionalists, Gay people fought SO HARD for the right to marry, in a time when divorce rates are above 50% and fewer couples than ever before elect to marry. Maybe they're even more committed, as a group, to marriage than we are. Maybe you should come to appreciate and respect marriage before you try to make it your own exclusive right.

And finally, on a personal note, I'm straight, moderately conservative, and an LDS Christian, espousing all the beliefs that encompasses. You know what else? I'm a citizen of the world. My concern stems not from a personal vendetta, but because everyone deserves respect. There is so much to the human condition that one's sexuality is almost beneath notice. There's goodness in everyone. Find that, and focus on it, and differences become less important than the similarities we share.

Did You Think to Pray?

Sometimes you honestly feel like nobody understands your pain. No, that's not a melodramatic statement. That's not teenage angst. You feel so helpless, and you think that nobody can understand what you feel, because even YOU don't understand what you feel. My advice: Talk to somebody who went through EXACTLY what you feel right now, somebody who did it all alone, who has felt your pain, and come through on the other side. Jesus Christ suffered for our sakes, not just our sins. He felt our pain, shared our sorrows, shuddered under the burden of sin and temptation. He has hurt deeply, so that He can have pure, true empathy for our situations. Say a prayer. Shout, cry, say what you need to, and then give God a chance to talk. Because He made it, and He knows how to help you do the same. I promise that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can give you comfort, advice, and strength if you go to them. That's testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hidden Pain

So often lately, I've heard people open up about their suicidal thoughts, tendencies, and actions. Often I am surprised that these people have had this struggle, because they "don't seem like the type." Well of course they don't! Nobody seems like the type to forget how important they are, to hurt so badly that they just want it to end, regardless of the consequences. It's especially strange that I should be surprised, because I never seemed like the type either, yet two years ago I had the same struggle. I've been in a situation similar to these people whose despair and pain was so cleverly disguised. I know what it is to tell people you're just tired, you're just stressed, you're just fine. I know what it is to hide your pain so deep nobody will ever find it. It corroded me and tortured me until I lost sight of who I was, of what the world really was.

I also know that my biggest problem was feeling alone. I didn't know how I was loved. I had no idea that I was surrounded by people who cared so much about me! If I had one message I could tell to anyone who was hurting, anyone who was questioning the point of continuing on, it would be this: I LOVE YOU! I think you matter, I think you are important, I think you have a lot to give this world, and it may have more to give back to you than you believe. 

Please don't give up on yourself. I know you're in a dark place, and I won't lie: getting out of it is not easy. But eventually, you can reclaim yourself. I'm on your side. Many others stand with me in support of you. Pick the winning team - be with us, choose yourself. I love you!

Basic White Girl

Sometimes I get super ahead of myself, and I try to tell people what to do or how to live their life in order to be happy. (Not that I'd know, I'm not always happy or content.)But I don't understand what they go through, I can't fully identify, and what they need is different from what I need. But I still want to help, and I want to give people keys to make their life a bit better. 
Well here's the first key: Start with the basics.
Not Starbucks-drinking, hoodie and legging-wearing, topknot-twisting basics. Like, beginning principles basics. 
The most important thing you can do is to love yourself. Begin there. Find the life-altering truth that you are worthwhile, you matter, your existence is a plus. Then move onto things like understanding that you are beautiful, intelligent, talented, and capable. Find the good in yourself. Love yourself. From there, you can find confidence, empathy, forgiveness, hope, clarity, and compassion. As you discover your own worth, you become even more worthy, and the cycle never ends. Infinite goodness is in you, just awaiting discovery. The world itself blossoms for those who have confidence in themselves.
Actually, that's pretty much the basic. From loving yourself, everything else can grow. Love yourself. See the goodness in yourself that you've been blinded to. It may surprise you how you shine.

What Can I Say?

What can I say when I'm supposed to be done speaking? I'm supposed to have said everything I wanted to say by now. But I haven't. I have lots left inside of me, and it's kinda clawing its way out - I have shouting matches in the shower with just myself and the memory of some awful people. I compose poetic goodbyes to everyone I ever loved, and I devise bitter, cutting remarks for everyone I didn't. I find myself with so many words pent up and only one way to say them, and that's by writing at 1:49 AM when everyone else in the house is asleep. So here's what I never gave my mouth the chance to say:

Male aggression is the literal worst. No woman ever has been or ever will be impressed by a man who talks about treating women poorly. When you speak of women without respect, we see that you will treat us without it, and it makes you seem like an animal.

You better darn well be a feminist! I once labored under the delusion that all feminists were man-hating, riot-inducing, armpit-hair-braiding freaks. But that's not it at all. Feminism is nothing more than the radical practice of thinking that women and men are equal. I am a feminist, and if you're not a feminist too, you make the world a dumber place.

Seriously, bodies are just the meat-suits that souls walk around in. To quote JK Rowling (who is basically the personification of wisdom,) "Is fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, or cruel? Not to me." And it goes beyond fatness. What about people who are "too thin" or don't have a lot of muscle mass or tone? What about people who are too short or too tall or too much or not enough of anything? WHY THE PIGGING NARDS DO YOU CARE??? Seriously, that's a question you owe it to yourself to answer. 

I owe so many thanks to teachers who were actually concerned about me. I can't ever express how much it means to me. I have had instructors grant me the knowledge I need. But I've also had mentors, friends, motivators. Thanks to the teachers whose job was to give me knowledge, but who found purpose in their career, and helped shape me as a person just because they felt it was the right thing to do. Thanks for going out of your way, beyond your duty, and past your hours to make my life better. I hope I made yours better too.

"I would choose to be with you; that's if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break." I love so many of you. And it doesn't even matter what happens from here forward. You have my love. You never had to earn it, and you'll never have to work to keep it. It's yours for always. Thank you for bringing my heart back to life.

People will not tell you this enough in your life, so copy and paste this, or bookmark this post, or something, because you deserve to be reminded of this every day:
You are a person who matters. You have greater worth than you may believe. You are good, you are intelligent, you are capable. Your feelings are valid and important, and you should never let anybody discount or discredit them. You have a past and a future, but you shouldn't let that change who you are presently. You can make choices, and you should make choices, because somebody needs to look out for you, and it won't always be the world, so make yourself a priority. You matter. You do.

Lastly*, I never gave myself the chance to say one of the most important things:

I love you. Goodbye.
I have avoided facing the reality, but I need to part from those I have loved in order to heal and become well again. I deserve the healing power of embracing truth. This is my catharsis. Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye. 



*and of course by "lastly," I really mean "until I come up with another thing that I want to say to one individual in particular, but will settle for telling all the innocent readers of my blog."

Before I Go

            “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

            We walk, my fellow graduates and I, on the seam between two lives. As we proceed across the stage on Monday, we steel ourselves, take one last breath, and leap from the familiar and the beloved into the unknown. Some of us have our entire lives planned out; others of us will take it step by step, but we share in common the ability to create for ourselves whatever we are brave enough to claim. Each of us has a store of potential deep enough to do great things. With so many talented, intelligent, capable people in one room, the only question is, “what will they choose to be?”

            The outcome of your future is in your hands. There is no person, no affiliation, no principality, no force on earth that can make you become anything other than what you choose to be. Futures yet unformed shine with promise from your faces. I am certain the glow of potential will be replaced with a blaze of success and glory. But nothing comes free. In our lives, winds of adversity will blow, which may shake your very foundations. And in these adverse circumstances, you will make over and over, the choice between anger and love, between convenience and correctness, between selfishness and altruism. As you make these choices, you make yourself. You have the power, every day, with every choice, to create yourself anew. I believe in the caliber of my distinguished classmates. I am confident that you will make yourself into people from whose existence the world will benefit. I will be lucky to know you. I’m lucky to know you now.

Thank you all for changing my life, and Congratulations, Class of 2015.

 It’s a great day to be a Silverwolf.

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes

 John 13: 8-9

 8 Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.

 9 Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.

Like Peter, we may feel that Christ is too good for us or that we are too distant from Him to apply the atonement in our lives. We may feel inadequate, unable to qualify for Christ's love and forgiveness. I am happy to tell you that you are wrong. Christ may not physically wash our feet, but He will cleanse our souls.

Simon Peter had the right idea - if being close to Christ and feeling the joy of His love and forgiveness requires the humbling act of submitting to Him, then it is something worth doing whole-heartedly, with our best efforts. We should allow Christ to wash our souls, the way Simon Peter allowed the Savior to wash his body. Well may we feel that we are inadequate; we are imperfect people. However, Christ does not require that we be perfect in order to ask for His help - He gives it freely to all who ask for it and are willing to repent. He is so kind, so good, that He would wash us, and make us whole. As Christ taught, it is those who have need of Him who He would most like to care for. I testify that you and I can be healed by our Savior. I'm grateful for His life and His works, for dying for me and for rising again for my eternal life. I know He died for us, but most importantly I know that He Lives. I say this in His name, Amen.

Society is its Own Religion

Religion, from my standpoint, is a tool to inspire me to live in a higher, kinder way. It teaches me to forgive others and myself, though the forgiveness of God.

I love forgiveness.
I love, frankly, my religion. And it's not important for me to share what that is, because the product is me, the way I am.

But I have a question: What makes religion?
I guess I'm talking more about a "belief system" than a religion. As in, I speak broadly of the behavior patterns and moral values in which a person chooses to live their life.

But here's the thing: regardless of what religion/belief system you belong to (including atheism!) you belong to society. And society has its own rules. Vague rules like "be yourself, as long as yourself conforms to standards." or "be sexy, but not too sexy or else you're a slut." There is no clear objective for what to be, only judgement if you are anything else.

If religions shamed sinners half as badly as society shames people for being ugly or fat, nobody would believe in God. We hold religion to such high standards - what about the belief system that literally EVERYONE belongs to: what about society?

We can't change everything all at once. But I challenge you all, (and myself,) to change yourselves. Look for the good in people and seek to reward them for what they accomplish rather than to tear them down for their failures or shortcomings. People matter in a grand and important way. Let's all try to treat them as if they do.

Instead of Sheep...

It interests me that the things we crave most are small. We want this phone, these shoes, this boyfriend, this date. These insignificant desires almost rule our lives because the needs and the greatest wants are already fulfilled in our lives! We are so darn lucky!
What do we already have?

• Modern Homes: Roofs over our head, heating and air conditioning systems to make even our AIR convenient.
• Clothing: We have enough to be warm in winter. We have thinner fabrics to stay cool in winter, and a culture where you can pretty much wear any fashion you want to wear.
• Families: true, not everybody has one. Not everybody has a GOOD one. But for those who do, they are a support system, built-in friends, parents to support you, a sense of constancy.
• Education: we are given literacy, math skills, scientific knowledge, an a wealth of elective education for the low price of paying taxes. Our country cares enough about our minds to make sure we are educated. And I, at least, have gotten a great deal from the education system of America. No, it's not perfect. But it's pretty amazing, I think.
• Food: We live in a country that produces more food than anywhere else in the world. Whatever your taste, whatever level of health you choose to eat at, you can have your pick of sustenance at any grocery store. 
• Money: America is rich. Even the poverty level in our country is insanely high - aka, our poorest poor are richer than the average human being in the world. 
• Safety: Aside from optional safety precautions (guns, pepper spray, locks, security systems, etc.) we are provided, through our tax dollars, with a police system, a fire department, FBI, etc. So many people work so hard to make sure we are safe. 
• BASIC UTILITIES: aside from utilities like cable/satellite television, internet access, and phone service which are widely available to even the poor of this country, we have things like CLEAN, FRESH WATER and ELECTRICITY at our constant disposal. With seriously minimal effort, we have control of things other people will NEVER have access to. 

These are such enormous blessings! I can't wrap my head around what it must be like to not have these things in my life. If I run low on things to be grateful for, there's always a baseline of incredibly gratitude for the high quality of life enjoyed by myself and the people of this country. There's so much to be thankful for! I hope you can find something good in your life today that you are glad and grateful for.

Thanks for reading. Have an attitude of gratitude, and have a great day! 

My, What a Guy! Why He's Called "The Beast"

*Spoiler Alert: This Post criticizes a Disney Prince! If you ain't into that, this won't end well for you!*

Tale as old as time: girl marries her abuser.

Dearest Women,
I think we can all relate to Belle - she wants more than the steady income and secure home offered by Gaston. He's selfish, narcissistic, and a chauvinist. He's fabulously handsome, a talented hunter, wealthy (from a small-town perspective,) and popular. While he could keep her sheltered, fed, and clothed, he probably couldn't offer her true love, and he definitely couldn't offer her mental stimulation. She wants a marriage for more than just physical security - just like most women do.

Stockholm Syndrome is Not the same as Love.

I want so badly to have a fairy tale. I want to meet a prince, and fall in love, and SING ABOUT IT (you better believe I want to sing about it.) I totally believe in true love that lasts through time. I guess you could say I want to marry a prince...but NO prince, NO castle, NO magic, NO "fairy tale ending" is worth being abused for. The moment a man hits you, the happy ending goes away, and the man is no longer a prince. 

It's hard to break away. Every woman says she's not the type to stay after the first hit...but then how do so many women end up staying with their abusers? Belle, independent, brilliant Belle, married the man who cut her off from her family, who flew into rages at the drop of a hat (or a flower petal.) He locked her away for hours at a time, tried to starve her into doing what he wanted, and even pushed her down. These are classic signs of a domestic abuser: emotional damage, cutting you off from potential influences, food manipulation, yelling, projecting his rage, and finally physical violence. 

Those of us who are lucky enough to be safe from that, let's not judge too harshly. Those who may be in an abusive relationship: please seek help. Yes, people can change. But don't count on it. If you feel like you are being abused or are in danger of abuse, call 1-800-897- LINK (1-800-897-5465)

My Point:

Women are not condemned to choose between the Gastons and the Adams of the world. "The Lesser of Two Evils" does not apply to our partners in life. We can choose to wait until a truly good person comes along who treats us well. Even being single is better than being abused. Wait for a prince - not just a crown.

Would you choose a pig over a beast?

Why Did I Do This!?

"I guess I'm jumping on the blog bandwagon because my friends all seem to have successful blogs."
"Because why not have another outlet for my thoughts?"

These are the actual introductions that friends of mine have posted to their blogs. I don't know if that's how I come across, but let me clear up a few things right now: 

• I got this blog because I thought I had a voice I could share - a voice that was positive and kind and unlike the voice I use normally in social media - and often in real life.
• I used to keep a journal, but I found myself writing trivial things day to day, instead of noticing patterns of behavior, or recording the things that really make a difference to me. So instead, I decided to "keep records" that could actually make a difference to other people - including those who will come after me. 
• I want people to get a sense of what's in my heart, instead of what's in my head. I can be as witty as I want, but that doesn't tell people what I really feel or think. So I use this as an outlet for that.
• I know that only the people who really take an interest in what I think will seek me out enough to read my blog, which makes it the perfect place to write things that are more private and heartfelt.

I understand that as blogs once again gain popularity, I may seem like a joiner, but the point is, this is my journal- this is me writing down the things that make me who I am - the important things I want people to remember me by, the way I hope people can view me. This isn't about attention, this is about uplifting others and expressing a better, higher version of myself. If that's not something you want to read, then please don't waste your time on my account. Find something that makes you happy; I have, and this is it. 

Thanks for reading. I love you, and have an excellent day. 

Counting Blessings

 "OH MY GOSH THERE IS SO MUCH GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE!!"

I'll be darned if I haven't said that phrase twenty trillion times today. And, admittedly, there is a lot going on. Not getting asked to Prom. Not getting enough sleep or enough time for homework. Not making the talent show. Not moving onto the State round of Sterling Scholar...

That's a whole lot of "nots."

I wonder sometimes if I'm so busy looking at the holes that I miss the lace...

I have so many blessings: I live in a home with running water- a virtually unlimited supply of fully drinkable, temperature controlled, fresh and safe water. Over 750 million people worldwide live without that luxury!

I have a great education, with amazing teachers who take an interest in my well-being and make me realize my potential. That's more than half of the people in this country have!

I have talent and passion in the same area of interest!
I have a great family, a great future, a great life. 

So yes, there are some small things I'm missing. But in the greater scheme of things, I have a wonderful life full to the brim with blessings. And that's more than a lot of people can say. I am so lucky to live in the manner and the place in which I do. There's always good to be found, even when there seem to be so many holes in your life that you don't know how it still exists- even then, there is worth and goodness and happiness and blessings in life.

What Nobody Sees

Today I sent in measurements for my theater internship, so my costumes could be personally created.

I measured parts of my body that I literally did not even know existed. (The armscye, by the way, is the tissue between the armpit and the chest.)

I told them the absolute truth. When they asked about the circumference of the largest part of my thigh, I told them. When they asked for my bra size, I told them. When they asked for a thousand, a million, a trillion different circumferences and lengths, I told them all.

Then I sent those measurements in.

I was horribly mortified. They were getting numbers, numbers that don't say anything about me. They didn't see a picture of me smiling all the way to my eyes. They didn't hear me laugh, or tell a joke. They don't know how I interact with people. They don't see "good with children, loves herself and others, has valid input." They saw "48 inches around bust." That doesn't say anything about me, just about the body my heart and my mind and my soul are wearing.

Then my mother said "You're pretty. I see you thinking bad thoughts about yourself, and I want you to know you don't look the way your mind sees things." And I realized, maybe I was the one who was just looking at the numbers. The people who were asking for my measurements had already seen my resume and videos of me singing. They chose me, decided I was worth hiring. I was the only one counting myself out based on my size.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you are your own worst critic. You have amazing abilities, talents, beauty, and personality. Everyone sees the good. Nobody purposely picks out just the bad to look at. So take a moment to reflect, and to realize your true worth, based on the good that is inside you. There may be more than you think.

CTR - do it for yourself

 Ezekiel 18:31-32

31 Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit: for why will ye die, O house of Israel?

 32 For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord God: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.

 God doesn't set us up for failure. He isn't excited to see us trip up or get hurt. We are allowed to have trials, and we are allowed to make choices. It's up to us. God gives us so many opportunities to be happy, to be close to Him, and to live our lives in a higher way. Don't take these chances for society, or for your family, or for your church group, or even for God - take these opportunities for your OWN HAPPINESS. I have a strong testimony that there is joy, comfort, solace, and contentment in the way of the Lord. I know that Jesus Christ died for us, and we can use his sacrifice to ease our burdens and clean away our sins, no matter how badly we may feel that we have failed, regardless of how far we have fallen.
I love you, and hope you find a way to use the Atonement in your life, so you can be happy.
In Jesus Christ, Amen.

Paying it Forward

My neighbor, Rob Steedley, has been such a good example for me, always sharing his testimony - maybe he's scared but he still shares it. He regularly posts about his faith on facebook, and it always lifts me up to know that, despite being afraid of being mocked or judged, God means more to him than the scorn of ma. So I wanted to do the same and follow his brave lead, to take an opportunity to share my beliefs.
Sometimes God gives us golden, shining moments. Sometimes He allows us to have trials. But He is always there, always working for our good. I'm so grateful for my blessings and for my relationship with God. He's got a thousand blessings just waiting for me to make the right choices so He can pour them out on me. He loves all of His children, and I'm grateful that I know Him and His love.
This is my testimony, which I share in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Nail Polish and Popularity

"What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right." 

-Albert Einstein 

 My favorite brand of [cheap] nail polish, Pure Ice, put out a color this summer called 'Home Run.' It's that pastel seafoam blue-greeny color that has been really popular.
And that's why I bought it. Because it was a color that was ultra-cool, super popular, very 'in.' But it just doesn't suit me. I keep my nails very short, and pastel colors don't look so good on short nails [and I knew that going in.] Plus, this shade makes the skin of my hands seem especially red, like I have hives or something.

"There's a bigger point to this, right Becca?"

'Yeah, I promise there is.'

"Okay, then make it."

Okay, so here's the point: I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE IT WAS COOL, NOT BECAUSE IT WAS GOOD FOR ME. I think you all know where I'm going with this, but I'm still gonna finish this post.

Just like me buying nail polish that wasn't even a good choice for my nails, people make choices all the time based purely on their social value. Who to date, how to do their hair, what to wear - they're all things that can be influenced by outside pressures.
Now, the boy you date or the products you use in your hair or the clothing brands you wear - these things may not be bad, even if you chose them based on what other people made you think was right for you. In fact, the boy might be perfect for you, the products may do your hair lots of favors, and the clothes may look perfect on your figure. I certainly don't want to give the impression that I think everything and everyone that conforms to social standards is evil. But it pays to be aware of why you do what you do.
Look, my point is, if you know that pastel nail polish isn't for you, it's okay to sit back and let that trend go by. The nature of the choices we have to make change once we get out of high school, but the habit of how we make those decisions won't change. You and I need to learn how to make choices based on what's right for US, and we need to learn to do it soon, because big choices are coming up. Our opinions and our needs matter, and we should take them seriously.

"Avoid popularity if you would have peace."  

-Abraham Lincoln 

 

Wisdom

WISDOM TEETH, THAT IS!!!

Okay, I have 12 hours until my wisdom teeth get extracted. 

I have plenty to worry about in this situation, but I'm strangely nonchalant about it right now.

I'm sure the whole fear-of-crippling-mouth-pain-thing will set in any moment, but for now I'm mostly just worried that I'll get hooked on my pain medication and in the space of a few short months I'll end up in prison, without even a GED, and I'll have to sell my hair for cigarettes. 

DID YOU KNOW

Not everybody has the same amount of wisdom teeth. You can get anywhere from zero to four. (I have three.)

Now, I have a question for you, my friends, and I crave an answer: 

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING A BLOG POST ABOUT MY TEETH??

You guys are so loyal.

GOODNIGHT UTAH! HAPPY ORAL SURGERY EVE!

Dating

Here's some dating advice from somebody who doesn't do much of it:
DO IT.  Seriously. Go on as many dates WITH AS MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE as possible.
Some plus sides to diverse dating:

• Getting to know other people outside of school/social groups
  * Even people you know may be a lot different one-on-one, often good different.
• Learning what you really like.
  *you might think you like somebody because they look a certain way, but maybe what you really look for is an engaging personality, etc.
• Time away from your significant other
  *I know they are important to you, and that's fine, but you need to realize other people exist - not even just as potential partners but as human beings who matter.
• Spend time having fun with good people who like you for YOU (otherwise they wouldn't be out on a date with you!)
• Spend time away from technology (says the online blogger)
  *there is good food, fresh air, new experiences to be encountered. Netflix is an amazing friend, but maybe you need some space?
• Gain self-confidence
  *Going on dates is a great way to feel like you're worthwhile, fun to be around, and special. Help yourself feel good by spending time with people who make you feel that way.

If you choose to date in high school, keep in mind that going on a date is different from "dating" someone. If you want to keep it casual, that's your right. As always, exercise your right to choose. You CAN say "no" to anything you're not comfortable with.