WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M A SOPRANO??

 I have been on the mezzo-soprano track as long as I've been around classical music (which is as long as I can remember.) The human voice is like a Pokemon, and female voices evolve to our final form around 27-30. Until then, we make our best guess based on the available evidence, and train in that direction. In my case, I have always had a large voice with a big range, tension around E-flat 4, and ease in my lower register. I'm also 6 feet tall, which usually correlates with lower voices (think of the difference between a violin and a cello.) So imagine my surprise when, abroad for a Young Artist Program, I am told by every pedagogue and coach who hears me sing that I am not actually a mezzo but a lyric soprano! The signs were equally present for this - a high extension, bright sound, and a higher passagio, disguised by relative ease compared with the tension I confused for my passagio around E-flat. 

So we bet on the wrong horse. What's the big deal? 

Well, from a practical career perspective, the competition is about 10x greater. Marketed as a mezzo (which is clearly something I can do, just not the ideal position for me), I was far more likely to be hired. I'm not a beauty, which also matters in casting. So the competition just got fiercer while I got less marketable.

I also need to start technically training in a different way. It's like I've been skipping leg day, but I literally didn't know I had legs. Now I'm a decade behind where I should be as a soprano - and beefed up where I don't need to be. 

And what of my repertoire? Well, here is the silver lining: I didn't have that many arias prepared anyway. I've always loved art song, cabaret, musical theatre, and jazz more than most arias. So throwing out my arias and learning new ones doesn't feel like such a waste. I also haven't done role study for any role that I didn't actually sing, so there are no prepared roles I need to abandon. Moving forward, I'll learn the arias and the roles that fit me best, and hang onto whatever other pieces I like - fach doesn't exist when I'm belting my face off, for example.

I have cried myself to exhaustion, texted the appropriate group chats, and changed my website, instagram, and letterhead. I will finish out the program in Berlin, and then throw myself into an entirely new life; for it is a new life. I have dedicated my life to my voice, to making music. And the vocal canon is completely alien now, but my voice is what it always has been, and housed in a person I trust. That must be enough to sustain me through the coming trials.