I'm BACK, Baby.

 It's my 29th  birthday. I just started grad school, pursuing my Master of Music in Vocal Performance and Pedagogy. I have a panic attack every night, and I think a bunch of the undergraduate singers are better than me. MONEY! TIME! WASTED? God, it's overwhelming. I'll spend 5 hours in the office today for my graduate assistant duties, which is a lot, but I couldn't pay for school without it, so there we go. This is even before I get to classes, rehearsal, individual practice, and homework. Happy birthay, you whiny, priveleged whelp. This is the dream and you're complaining your way through it. But yeah, I'm baby, and I'm overwhelmed.

Two years ago I used quitmormon.com to remove my records from the church (cult?) I grew up in, and I couldn't recommend them enough, by the way. Two tattoos, two extra piercings, and dyed my blonde hair away, and now I'm not even visually associated with them. Internally I'll always bear the scars. My brain is wired differently than normal people, and I will forever be more susceptible to manipulation and scams due to the thought patterns instilled in me from birth. I find more racism, internalized misogyny and homophobia, transphobia, and intolerance in my habits and thoughts all the time. It's how I was taught to view the world. 

What else is new? I earned my Bachelor of Music degree in Vocal Performance 2 years ago from Weber State University, and spent the interim working (still at WSU - if it ain't broke, don't fix it) in Federal Financial Aid and Scholarships. I loved helping people be able to afford school...sometimes. It's noble and important work, but people can be so rude, pushy, senseless, stupid, and lazy. In their defense, it's confusing and there are a lot of barriers to success. By the time I left that job, though, I had really started to be a seething bitch, so it's good I left when I did.

So much has changed, but I do feel much the same. Freer and happier, maybe (despite the job and school complaints.) I love where I live and I love how I live. It's a good life, if I can rough it.