What Can I Say?

What can I say when I'm supposed to be done speaking? I'm supposed to have said everything I wanted to say by now. But I haven't. I have lots left inside of me, and it's kinda clawing its way out - I have shouting matches in the shower with just myself and the memory of some awful people. I compose poetic goodbyes to everyone I ever loved, and I devise bitter, cutting remarks for everyone I didn't. I find myself with so many words pent up and only one way to say them, and that's by writing at 1:49 AM when everyone else in the house is asleep. So here's what I never gave my mouth the chance to say:

Male aggression is the literal worst. No woman ever has been or ever will be impressed by a man who talks about treating women poorly. When you speak of women without respect, we see that you will treat us without it, and it makes you seem like an animal.

You better darn well be a feminist! I once labored under the delusion that all feminists were man-hating, riot-inducing, armpit-hair-braiding freaks. But that's not it at all. Feminism is nothing more than the radical practice of thinking that women and men are equal. I am a feminist, and if you're not a feminist too, you make the world a dumber place.

Seriously, bodies are just the meat-suits that souls walk around in. To quote JK Rowling (who is basically the personification of wisdom,) "Is fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, or cruel? Not to me." And it goes beyond fatness. What about people who are "too thin" or don't have a lot of muscle mass or tone? What about people who are too short or too tall or too much or not enough of anything? WHY THE PIGGING NARDS DO YOU CARE??? Seriously, that's a question you owe it to yourself to answer. 

I owe so many thanks to teachers who were actually concerned about me. I can't ever express how much it means to me. I have had instructors grant me the knowledge I need. But I've also had mentors, friends, motivators. Thanks to the teachers whose job was to give me knowledge, but who found purpose in their career, and helped shape me as a person just because they felt it was the right thing to do. Thanks for going out of your way, beyond your duty, and past your hours to make my life better. I hope I made yours better too.

"I would choose to be with you; that's if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break." I love so many of you. And it doesn't even matter what happens from here forward. You have my love. You never had to earn it, and you'll never have to work to keep it. It's yours for always. Thank you for bringing my heart back to life.

People will not tell you this enough in your life, so copy and paste this, or bookmark this post, or something, because you deserve to be reminded of this every day:
You are a person who matters. You have greater worth than you may believe. You are good, you are intelligent, you are capable. Your feelings are valid and important, and you should never let anybody discount or discredit them. You have a past and a future, but you shouldn't let that change who you are presently. You can make choices, and you should make choices, because somebody needs to look out for you, and it won't always be the world, so make yourself a priority. You matter. You do.

Lastly*, I never gave myself the chance to say one of the most important things:

I love you. Goodbye.
I have avoided facing the reality, but I need to part from those I have loved in order to heal and become well again. I deserve the healing power of embracing truth. This is my catharsis. Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye. 



*and of course by "lastly," I really mean "until I come up with another thing that I want to say to one individual in particular, but will settle for telling all the innocent readers of my blog."

Before I Go

            “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

            We walk, my fellow graduates and I, on the seam between two lives. As we proceed across the stage on Monday, we steel ourselves, take one last breath, and leap from the familiar and the beloved into the unknown. Some of us have our entire lives planned out; others of us will take it step by step, but we share in common the ability to create for ourselves whatever we are brave enough to claim. Each of us has a store of potential deep enough to do great things. With so many talented, intelligent, capable people in one room, the only question is, “what will they choose to be?”

            The outcome of your future is in your hands. There is no person, no affiliation, no principality, no force on earth that can make you become anything other than what you choose to be. Futures yet unformed shine with promise from your faces. I am certain the glow of potential will be replaced with a blaze of success and glory. But nothing comes free. In our lives, winds of adversity will blow, which may shake your very foundations. And in these adverse circumstances, you will make over and over, the choice between anger and love, between convenience and correctness, between selfishness and altruism. As you make these choices, you make yourself. You have the power, every day, with every choice, to create yourself anew. I believe in the caliber of my distinguished classmates. I am confident that you will make yourself into people from whose existence the world will benefit. I will be lucky to know you. I’m lucky to know you now.

Thank you all for changing my life, and Congratulations, Class of 2015.

 It’s a great day to be a Silverwolf.