Why Did I Do This!?

"I guess I'm jumping on the blog bandwagon because my friends all seem to have successful blogs."
"Because why not have another outlet for my thoughts?"

These are the actual introductions that friends of mine have posted to their blogs. I don't know if that's how I come across, but let me clear up a few things right now: 

• I got this blog because I thought I had a voice I could share - a voice that was positive and kind and unlike the voice I use normally in social media - and often in real life.
• I used to keep a journal, but I found myself writing trivial things day to day, instead of noticing patterns of behavior, or recording the things that really make a difference to me. So instead, I decided to "keep records" that could actually make a difference to other people - including those who will come after me. 
• I want people to get a sense of what's in my heart, instead of what's in my head. I can be as witty as I want, but that doesn't tell people what I really feel or think. So I use this as an outlet for that.
• I know that only the people who really take an interest in what I think will seek me out enough to read my blog, which makes it the perfect place to write things that are more private and heartfelt.

I understand that as blogs once again gain popularity, I may seem like a joiner, but the point is, this is my journal- this is me writing down the things that make me who I am - the important things I want people to remember me by, the way I hope people can view me. This isn't about attention, this is about uplifting others and expressing a better, higher version of myself. If that's not something you want to read, then please don't waste your time on my account. Find something that makes you happy; I have, and this is it. 

Thanks for reading. I love you, and have an excellent day. 

Counting Blessings

 "OH MY GOSH THERE IS SO MUCH GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE!!"

I'll be darned if I haven't said that phrase twenty trillion times today. And, admittedly, there is a lot going on. Not getting asked to Prom. Not getting enough sleep or enough time for homework. Not making the talent show. Not moving onto the State round of Sterling Scholar...

That's a whole lot of "nots."

I wonder sometimes if I'm so busy looking at the holes that I miss the lace...

I have so many blessings: I live in a home with running water- a virtually unlimited supply of fully drinkable, temperature controlled, fresh and safe water. Over 750 million people worldwide live without that luxury!

I have a great education, with amazing teachers who take an interest in my well-being and make me realize my potential. That's more than half of the people in this country have!

I have talent and passion in the same area of interest!
I have a great family, a great future, a great life. 

So yes, there are some small things I'm missing. But in the greater scheme of things, I have a wonderful life full to the brim with blessings. And that's more than a lot of people can say. I am so lucky to live in the manner and the place in which I do. There's always good to be found, even when there seem to be so many holes in your life that you don't know how it still exists- even then, there is worth and goodness and happiness and blessings in life.

What Nobody Sees

Today I sent in measurements for my theater internship, so my costumes could be personally created.

I measured parts of my body that I literally did not even know existed. (The armscye, by the way, is the tissue between the armpit and the chest.)

I told them the absolute truth. When they asked about the circumference of the largest part of my thigh, I told them. When they asked for my bra size, I told them. When they asked for a thousand, a million, a trillion different circumferences and lengths, I told them all.

Then I sent those measurements in.

I was horribly mortified. They were getting numbers, numbers that don't say anything about me. They didn't see a picture of me smiling all the way to my eyes. They didn't hear me laugh, or tell a joke. They don't know how I interact with people. They don't see "good with children, loves herself and others, has valid input." They saw "48 inches around bust." That doesn't say anything about me, just about the body my heart and my mind and my soul are wearing.

Then my mother said "You're pretty. I see you thinking bad thoughts about yourself, and I want you to know you don't look the way your mind sees things." And I realized, maybe I was the one who was just looking at the numbers. The people who were asking for my measurements had already seen my resume and videos of me singing. They chose me, decided I was worth hiring. I was the only one counting myself out based on my size.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you are your own worst critic. You have amazing abilities, talents, beauty, and personality. Everyone sees the good. Nobody purposely picks out just the bad to look at. So take a moment to reflect, and to realize your true worth, based on the good that is inside you. There may be more than you think.

CTR - do it for yourself

 Ezekiel 18:31-32

31 Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit: for why will ye die, O house of Israel?

 32 For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord God: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.

 God doesn't set us up for failure. He isn't excited to see us trip up or get hurt. We are allowed to have trials, and we are allowed to make choices. It's up to us. God gives us so many opportunities to be happy, to be close to Him, and to live our lives in a higher way. Don't take these chances for society, or for your family, or for your church group, or even for God - take these opportunities for your OWN HAPPINESS. I have a strong testimony that there is joy, comfort, solace, and contentment in the way of the Lord. I know that Jesus Christ died for us, and we can use his sacrifice to ease our burdens and clean away our sins, no matter how badly we may feel that we have failed, regardless of how far we have fallen.
I love you, and hope you find a way to use the Atonement in your life, so you can be happy.
In Jesus Christ, Amen.